How To Embarrass Mommy

My children have become experts at embarrassing me.   I need to document these events, because sometime in the near future, I'm going to get back at them.  I can't wait until they're teenagers...I have plans.

Embarrassing Moment #1: 

At the grocery store, if my girls see a man with the approximate build of my husband, they will say (loudly) to him, "Hi, Daddy!" or "Is that my Daddy right there?" or "Look, there's my Daddy!".  This is mortifying, because these poor men turn around and give me this horrified look.    This has happened multiple times.

Embarrassing Moment #2: 

Picking their nose.  In public.  And then eating their boogers.  And then telling the cashier at the store, "I love eating boogers".

Embarrassing Moment #3: 

This one is probably my fault.  You see, whenever I take a shower when the twins are up, they get sad.  I'll tell them that Olivia is napping and Mommy is going to shower and they say, "No, stay with us...read books!" or whatever they are doing.  So I've started saying that I need to shower because I'm stinky.  They smell my arm, and pretend to be disgusted by my smell.  Obviously, my arm does NOT stink...but they love smelling me and acting like I'm stinky.  Then I take a shower...and they play nicely while I'm in the bathroom. 

The other day at church, I was sitting and talking with someone.  The twins come up to me and start to smell me.  They say, loudly (of course), "Mama, you're STINKY!  You need to go home and take a shower!".  I told them that I showered before church and I'm not stinky, they laugh and laugh and tell me again, "No, you are stinky...I smell you."

Embarrassing Moment #4: 

This is a combination of different random statements my children have made to complete strangers.

"Olivia poops and goes like this....."  *Maya makes noises/faces like she is pooping*
"Why does that lady look like that?"
"Mama, poop is coming out!  Right now!"  (this was in a store)
"I don't like that guy."  (this was also in a store, complete with Gigi pointing to some poor, random guy)

Me: Maya, what's in your mouth?
Maya:  A booger

"Ew...what's that smell?"  This was asked loudly...and we were walking behind someone who was a little stinky.

Embarassing Moment #5: 

We have a neighbor who is in his nineties.  He has Alzheimer's Disease and spend a lot of time out in his yard.  Whenever we go outside and he is out there, the twins will point to him and say...
"Look, there's our grandpa!  Hi, grandpa!"
The poor man is already confused.  Now he probably thinks he has some long lost grandchildren in the next yard.

Embarrassing Moment #6: 

This happened a few months ago, on one of the first Sundays at our new church.  Gianna was wearing a pull-up because she sometimes has accidents if we're not at home.  She also thought she needed to throw away her pull-up every time she went to the potty.

Here's what happened:  My daughter was running around the church with a few other kids.  All of a sudden, she pulls up her dress, way over her head.  And she's not wearing her pull-up.  Because she went potty and threw it away.  So she was naked.  Running around our new church.  Holding her dress up.  Oh, my.

So much for that "perfect" pastoral family!  Ha!  I have a feeling my children will be constantly challenging that stereotype.

So, my sweet girls, just remember.  It's only a matter of time before you are embarrassed by your Momma.  And I have plans....oh, yes, I have plans....hahahahahaaa (evil laughter).