We've been having some problems lately with child #1 (Maya). She doesn't want to eat much at meals. I'll set her plate in front of her, she'll take one bite, then just mess around. She talks, looks around, plays with her fork or spoon. She'll say she's not hungry. She'll say she doesn't like the food. She'll try any excuse in the book: my tummy hurts, I have to pee, my tongue hurts, I need more to drink.
It's been pretty rough lately. She has been put into time out multiple times, she has been spanked on occasion, and she has been threatened. Nothing really seems to be effective because we still fight with her at EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL. Unless, of course, it's a meal of chicken nuggets. That she'll eat.
So tonight, I put her plate of delicious, homemade turkey pot pie in front of her. She turns up her nose, says she doesn't like it. I make her take a bite and she tells me she likes it. This means nothing. She still refuses to eat anything. I'll tell her to take a bite, NOW. She pretended to put food on her fork and pretended to eat, grinning the whole time.
Finally, out of frustration, I told her if she didn't eat her pot pie, she wasn't getting a smoothie for dessert. She helped make the smoothies, and smoothies are one of her favorite things. She must not have believed me because she continued to mess around and play with her fork, refusing to take any bites.
So I told her, "That's it. You're done. No smoothie for you tonight." Immediately, the wailing and crying begin.
I told #2 (who had been eating her pot pie like a champ) that she needed to take 4 more bites, then she could have her smoothie. #1 thought that applied to her, too, and quickly shoveled 4 (tiny) bites into her mouth.
I brought out the smoothies (banana, orange, peach, BTW....tastes like an orange julius!) and handed them out to everyone except Maya. She was heartbroken. She cried and wailed, breaking my heart, too. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not give in and give her a smoothie.
She was so upset. It hurt me so badly not to give her a smoothie. She had to sit at the table and watch while everyone else in the family had the treat. She cried and cried, begging me to give her one, too. It makes me tear up, just thinking about it.
I remember hearing my Dad say to me once, "This hurts me more than it hurts you". I don't remember what my punishment was, but I was so mad. I thought he was full of it. Little did I realize how awful it is to have to deny your children something they love.
Being a parent has made me see God and His love in a new light. I know how unconditional and unwavering my love is for my girls. If I can love like that, I can't imagine the love He has for us. God calls us His children. He refers to Himself as our heavenly father. And as much as it pains me to follow through on promises I made, I can only imagine how difficult it is when He sees us disobey Him. When He has to allow our poor choices to bring about hard and heartbreaking consequences.
God has promised us so many things. And He's given us expectations and clearly laid out consequences. He follows through because He loves us. And if allowing us to miss out on a smoothie will someday bring us closer to Him, I know He's willing to do it. But I know it breaks His heart every time.
It's been pretty rough lately. She has been put into time out multiple times, she has been spanked on occasion, and she has been threatened. Nothing really seems to be effective because we still fight with her at EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL. Unless, of course, it's a meal of chicken nuggets. That she'll eat.
So tonight, I put her plate of delicious, homemade turkey pot pie in front of her. She turns up her nose, says she doesn't like it. I make her take a bite and she tells me she likes it. This means nothing. She still refuses to eat anything. I'll tell her to take a bite, NOW. She pretended to put food on her fork and pretended to eat, grinning the whole time.
Finally, out of frustration, I told her if she didn't eat her pot pie, she wasn't getting a smoothie for dessert. She helped make the smoothies, and smoothies are one of her favorite things. She must not have believed me because she continued to mess around and play with her fork, refusing to take any bites.
So I told her, "That's it. You're done. No smoothie for you tonight." Immediately, the wailing and crying begin.
I told #2 (who had been eating her pot pie like a champ) that she needed to take 4 more bites, then she could have her smoothie. #1 thought that applied to her, too, and quickly shoveled 4 (tiny) bites into her mouth.
I brought out the smoothies (banana, orange, peach, BTW....tastes like an orange julius!) and handed them out to everyone except Maya. She was heartbroken. She cried and wailed, breaking my heart, too. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not give in and give her a smoothie.
She was so upset. It hurt me so badly not to give her a smoothie. She had to sit at the table and watch while everyone else in the family had the treat. She cried and cried, begging me to give her one, too. It makes me tear up, just thinking about it.
I remember hearing my Dad say to me once, "This hurts me more than it hurts you". I don't remember what my punishment was, but I was so mad. I thought he was full of it. Little did I realize how awful it is to have to deny your children something they love.
Being a parent has made me see God and His love in a new light. I know how unconditional and unwavering my love is for my girls. If I can love like that, I can't imagine the love He has for us. God calls us His children. He refers to Himself as our heavenly father. And as much as it pains me to follow through on promises I made, I can only imagine how difficult it is when He sees us disobey Him. When He has to allow our poor choices to bring about hard and heartbreaking consequences.
God has promised us so many things. And He's given us expectations and clearly laid out consequences. He follows through because He loves us. And if allowing us to miss out on a smoothie will someday bring us closer to Him, I know He's willing to do it. But I know it breaks His heart every time.
These are just my random thoughts tonight, as I mull over the smoothie incident.
Being a parent is hard, and being a good parent? It's really hard.
Being a parent is hard, and being a good parent? It's really hard.
8 comments:
Awesome Post Jill! Yes it really does hurt to deny our children. It makes me feel comfort thinking I know it hurts Gods heart when he has to deny us. That really helps me Love Jesus even more. It hurts him much more than I will ever know, that I don't get my Jonathan. That is so comforting. I love what you said about his consequences as well, really good thoughts, thanks for sharing them.
So so hard! But that was the right thing, I've had to do that with Jack. Great perspective!
We have had to do that so much with our kids - and ironically the most with food. With Titus we at first resorted to spankings, forced eating, etc. And then several people told us we should never make a big deal out of food, and that if they are hungry, they will eat. So we totally changed our parenting at meal time and do exactly what you are doing - denying dessert or special treats, etc. At first it was soooo hard, but now they both choose - they know if they don't eat, they don't get any other food until the next meal. It has made it SO much better for meals. Sometimes Damaris eats next to nothing, and I worry about it, but then other meals she goes crazy on.
You are right...being a parent is SO hard. There are so many days that I question what I am doing and how I parent. So many days I feel like a failure and feel like I am doing everything wrong. And then God nudges me and reminds me that I love them, and they love me, and I will never be a perfect parent and do everything right, but that is OK.
Anyway, I just totally rambled on here :)
:( It definitely hurts us more, because we will remember it forever. Our E-Dude is a picky eater, but both boys know if they don't eat what we put in front of them, they don't get anything until the next meal. Parenting our own children certainly helps us understand God better, doesn't it?
It gets worse when they are older. It is hard to watch your children suffer and live with the consequences of their actions. Julianne had her iPod stolen at school about a month ago. Yesterday, someone went into her backpack and took $80 and all of her new make-up. She was crushed. I have told her repeatedly not to take $ to school. She forgot it was in there. She worked every hard to earn that money (she is only 15.) I wanted to replace the $80 so bad but she has to learn the lesson. She was so upset but better she learn to secure her things now than later. I feel your pain.
Margaret Porter
I so hear you on this. Love you and your kiddos. You're an amazing momma and a great inspiration.
Oh my gracious, this post strikes a chord with my heart! We have had moments like this with our twins, and it is SO HARD not to give in. I love your thoughts about the whole experience!
I'm curious if she is eating any better since this incident??
It is SO hard! SO HARD! You did the right thing for sure, and she will learn. It definitely hurts though!
Keep up the good work momma, and thanks for sharing with us!
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